Working with Leaders

Lead with authenticity, explore challenges and connect with your purpose

Below you will find a few examples of my work with leaders from a variety of sectors. My work helps you to connect with your vision and purpose and to lead more authentically. Together we explore communication challenges, help you to use power wisely, and to train your awareness to support the diversity of needs, skillsets, and experiences with your team.

Case 1

A CFO from a regional health care organization reached out to me. She was a new hire and needed support in making a transition into a well-established team that had been working together for years. Her small team of ten managed over 150 people from all over the world.  She informed me that there had been a lot of change in this large national organization, and she felt there were trust issues. She was aware that she was representing new management and that there had been a lot of change-over in her position. She experienced her team as very cautious in their interactions with her. She wanted them to feel more open with her. She had a great deal of self-awareness and reflected about her own style which she described as very direct and that she expected others to be direct with her. She noted that she was with an all-female team and she would get annoyed with them because they weren’t straight with her and that in a way she preferred working with men.

At the onset I realized that she, like many women, had to confront gender issues in her career. She was in her late 50s and we began by discussing the trajectory of her success. As her story unfolded, I reflected back to her how she had to work really hard to obtain success in a profession that was mostly male-dominated. She then realized how she had had to toughen up in order to be respected by men and to get the position she now had. 

Now she was criticizing the behavior of women; they were too emotional, wanted to talk about process and relationship and that she just wanted to put people in the best position to succeed. In my work with her, it was important to value the qualities she needed to succeed. However, the next step in her growth as a leader was to notice how she was now inadvertently re-creating the kind of system and work atmosphere which marginalized a more feeling and relational style. This was inhibiting her team to interact more directly with her, and she was picking up their distance and caution.

I coached her and then facilitated the team. She was then able to speak to her team and value different kinds of communication styles. She acknowledged her very direct style and a kind of no-nonsense demeanor that could be off-putting. The group nodded and seemed moved to hear their boss acknowledge the impact of her style. Then she recognized that other members of the team had a more feeling and relational style that sometimes felt foreign to her and that she wanted to learn and be more open. It was such a shock for the team to hear her speak and many were moved to tears. She told them that she genuinely wanted to listen to their experiences with her as well as their business ideas.

People courageously spoke about liking her, but that her style was sometimes difficult for them. Over and over a repeated signal kept emerging in the group dynamic. Someone would get emotional, begin to tear up, and then apologize for it. Not only was the boss working on being open to different communication styles, but the whole team was. 

At one point, I encouraged the boss to speak about her career journey so people could understand her more. As she spoke her eyes got watery. Of course, she got uncomfortable and wanted to move on, but this was so essential – she was now the “emotional one” in the group dynamic. And the team supported and encouraged her; a spirit of appreciation came forward. The younger women on the team could appreciate the journey of their boss. They too felt that they had had to change their style in order to get along in the world of business. And yet, it was clear to everyone that a good working atmosphere depended on the openness to many communication styles which included being personal and emotional at times. Sharing this helped both the boss and her team to connect more with each other and to create a tighter team and better working atmosphere. 

Case 2

Marcus, a real-estate project developer was always impeccably dressed in the finest suits with cuff links that sparkled. He wanted to focus on some of the community challenges that he confronted in his job. In our first meeting at my office, he described some of the large projects in the city that he was involved in. He was very proud of the work he was doing and felt he was making a big contribution to the city. And yet, he complained of the difficulties he encountered from community members who felt his company was not aware enough of the impact on the city. Issues of gentrification, displacement, and exorbitant housing prices. 

The second time he came to my office, he gravitated towards the rug and throw-pillows and sat on the floor quite comfortably. Our next meeting, he arranged the pillows and laid down on the rug. We worked on his obvious need to relax!  From this new and relaxed state of mind, he felt he could take in and understand the community criticisms and not just be defensive or avoid them. “The people had a point,” he said. He let himself feel into the experiences of those people who had been displaced due to his projects. This was a big awareness. As he laid on the floor feeling relaxed and comfortable, he had the insight that every person should have that basic sense of comfort.  As a result of this insight, he began to change the way his company functioned and began to create more equitable and accessible living spaces and community centers.

Case 3

A high school principal wanted to work with me on the issue of disrespect. She experienced some members of her teaching staff as defiant and often felt subtly personally put down. It was hard for her to put her finger on it. As we spoke the issue was crystallized in regard to her relationship with a male Latino teacher. As a white woman, she wondered if there was something that had to do with gender and race. 

We unpacked some of her thoughts that she was too hesitant to speak about more publicly. As a woman she often felt that men disrespected her position. She felt she had to work twice as hard as men to be hired. We then focused on her experience with her colleague. She realized that he probably felt similarly. He too, had felt disrespected and had most likely encountered racism in his career trajectory. 

Their social identities were both impacting their relationship with the other. She saw a “man” who didn’t respect her authority and he saw a “white person” who undermined him. She realized that they both probably felt that the other saw them as not being up to their job, as possibly having benefitted from affirmative action rather than their merits. This insight helped her to speak openly with her colleague. She was able to facilitate a conversation where she could ask about and inquire about his experiences, whether he felt unseen in the value that he brought to the school, and if there was some way where she was missing his voice or experience. She then felt empowered to speak about her experience as a woman and the path of respect that she has had to earn and that she hoped she would have his respect as well. She reported back that they had a great conversation and that there is now a feeling of mutual respect. Sometimes, we are just a little nervous to have some of these important conversations!

Books on Leadership

Menken, Dawn, Facilitating A More Perfect Union: A Guide for Politicians and Leaders, Portland, OR, Dawn Menken, 2021.
Innovative tools for leaders and politicians to approach and engage in social and political discourse. Helps leaders to meet polarization, unpredictable moments, and to stand out in meaningful ways.

Diamond, Julie, Power A User’s Guide, Santa Fe, New Mexico, Belly Song Press 2016.
A comprehensive study into power dynamics helping leaders to understand and use power well.

Mindell , Arnold. The Leader as a Martial Artist: An Introduction to Deep Democracy, Techniques and Strategies for Resolving Conflict & Creating Community. Currently available at Amazon.com. 1992/2000.
An inspiring and groundbreaking book examining the essence of leadership.

Mindell, Arnold. The Deep Democracy of Open Forum. How to Transform Organizations into Communities: Practical Steps to Conflict Prevention and Resolution for the Family, Workplace and World, Charlottesville, Virginia: Hampton Roads, 2002.
A practical guide filled with useful information and examples in how to lead an open forum.

Mindell, Amy, Your Unique Facilitator Style: Explore you Special gifts and Powers as a Facilitator, Therapist, Coach and Helper. Columbus, OH, Gatekeeper Press, 2019.
This gem inspires leaders to be creative and connect with their own unique style of facilitation.